No
not like that, a friend! Seriously just a friend.
But
first a quick update. The past three
months after going back to work have been rough. I was home by happenstance for a year with
Jonah and when I went back to work, I was ready. I have not been ready with the
baby. At four months old and returning
to work, I feel like I have lost my baby.
I have become bitter, irritable, and emotionally labile. All I had to do was think about my baby and
my lost time with her and I would start bawling. All I had to do was walk in my house and I
could pick a fight with the husband. I
resented people who simply wanted to love on us. Oddly work was okay as it served as a
distraction from my rage, and I like my job.
I
felt like I was on a hamster wheel grabbing the kids and getting them to
daycare everyday, working a long day, then coming home to a husband that left
for night classes, and then to collapse every night by 9. To say I felt overwhelmed is accurate. And I was fucking pissed. Pissed that I was missing out on being with
my baby. That I felt like I had no
quality time with her, or for myself, or my laundry, or anything by the way. A two year old tends to dominate so when I
was home with the kids there was no quality baby time.
I
finally got myself evaluated for post-partum depression to be told that no I
don’t have it and that I needed to stop working or work part-time, that is the
only way I would feel better. Um, not helpful. At this point I cannot simply reverse
the choices we have made that have led to me working full-time. So I have been slowly working at working
through my anger and being happier. This working full time is my choice and I
have to make the best of it. As the
husband said, why did we work so hard to get to this place just to be miserable? I can say after a month I do not cry every
time I think of being away from the baby, we are carving out time for me to
have quality time with the baby, I have told many people how unhappy I was and
the support and understanding has lessened my bitterness, and I work hard at
being happier. So far it is working.
Also
I made a new friend. And granted we have
only had two dates, but I feel really optimistic. We have been in California for two years now
and I have only made one friend. And
while this one friend is awesome we are very different and I don’t actually
relate to her that much. She is rich and
lives a pretty opulent lifestyle, skinny blond tits on a stick, and works
part-time with lots domestic help. I
just don’t feel comfortable talking about my woes. In these two years I have felt like I am so
different from most people I have met.
Then I met her. She was a speaker
at a professional development activity and as I listened to her, I kept
thinking, wow I would like to be friends with this person. She is a professor
of psychology with a private practice. I didn’t really know how to make a pass
at her. So I decided after her presentation I would ask for her private
practice info so perhaps I could refer clients to her. She said she wasn’t taking new clients right
now. As we were talking one of my
colleagues who also attended the presentation shtupped in-“You should be
friends, you have a lot in common.” We
both realized we had kids around the same age, she mentioned a playdate, and I
got her number.
I
waited a few days because I didn’t want to appear desperate, because I am. I
sent her a text message but never heard back.
The there was a professional happy hour and my colleague was like you
should go, she is gonna be there. But I
couldn’t go. So I called the number and learned it was her office at the
University so she couldn’t have gotten the text. So I left a voicemail. But I didn’t hear back. Then two weeks later my colleague told me she
had asked for my email and he gave it to her. Then I got an email explaining
that she was on maternity leave and didn’t regularly check her messages but she
would love to get together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does this sound like being single and dating to you????
Anyhow
we finally got together and I found out that we have so so so much in
common. We are both psychologists
specializing in children, our husbands are both former military and we both dated
long distance (including deployments), she is jewish her husband is not, we are
both the major bread earners, we have two years olds and babies within two
months of each other, and we are both BITTER!!!!!!!!!
