Sunday, October 30, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Feeling sappy
16 months ago I boarded a plane and left a life I had spent 38 years building. I truly felt like I was leaving a piece of my heart in San Francisco. In two weeks I board a plane back to California (Southern this time), and now I will return with my arms literally full of my family (baby and cat), and a husband not far behind with much of our crap in a U-Haul. I know the road ahead is not what we originally envisioned and there are big challenges ahead. But, I am going to do my very best to keep in the forefront of my mind, that my biggest dream came true. I have my own family. The rest we will work out together.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Rising Above
Disclaimer: This post is about lame stupid shit that I wish was not pooping in my life. I wish I could simply dismiss this kaka. Sadly I cannot.
The days are numbered and like a good shrink I am processing my 15 months here. On the whole Georgia has been incredibly good to us and we have all grown. I am glad I was here and had these experiences, even the hard ones.
I am trying super hard to rise above and away from ridiculous army wife drama. As you might recall, and you can read about here and here and here, I had a very hard time making friends at first. Fish worked many long hours, it was disgusting outside, I was a hormonal wreck in my first trimester, and depressed and lonely. I finally made some friends. And honestly they were very different than previous friends of mine. But I was different and my life was different. And I was desperate. Fish often commented, especially about one person in particular, that he was surprised I was friends with such. He didn't think of her that favorably. I replied that she had reached out and brought me into the fold, and I appreciated her for who she was. Well in the last couple of months some incredibly immature, unethical, hurtful and super uncool behavior has gone down. I have handled it maturely, by talking directly with the person involved in a calm open manner. Unfortunately I am not dealing with a mature or nice person, and it just kept getting worse, so I just removed myself from this group of friends, and tried to maintain the friendships I had separately with each individual in this group. I never trashed said person, dragged other people into, even spoke about, if it was brought up, I would simply say it was between myself and such and preferred to keep it that way. I am not going to get into the nitty gritty of what happened, because so not worth it. But I can honestly say that while I feel very good about standing up for myself (trust me, this was one of those situations where you must say something, it was ethically horrible what was done) and I full on knew that it risked creating major waves. And the easier thing was to keep my mouth shut and ride out our time here. But what occurred was so egregious I simply couldn't let it go. And others in the group were equally horrified, or so they said. And they all RSVP'd to our farewell party, so I thought things were okay.
I could tell by facebook that everyone was getting together often and we were not being included. But honestly I was totally okay with it. I didn't want to be anywhere near this person, and we have other friends who have been actual friends to us. So, okay we enjoy our final days and move on. Then, the one person I am closest with in this group, and the actual one who came to me in the first place and alerted me to what was going on, because she in part was also horrified, has done a nasty. She was my belly buddy too. She is having a birthday party in her home and I was not invited and the nasty person was. Okay, I can kinda see it, we are leaving, don't make waves, etc. But fucking own it, tell me, don't let me figure it out through facebook. By the way I am beginning to loathe facebook. And then, the husband of my belly buddy, who is facebook friends with my husband, invites him to the party!!!! I believe he has no idea what is going on, but I had to cringe and laugh at the same time. And I just gotta say;
16 more fucking days in this fucking place!!!!
And I hope to never be so fucking desperate again to make friends with such asshats. In fact I never have before, and I have to hope that I won't again. I am sorry this is such a lame post about lame things. I feel lame even writing it. But is it bugging me, so I am lame and writing this. Peace out!
The days are numbered and like a good shrink I am processing my 15 months here. On the whole Georgia has been incredibly good to us and we have all grown. I am glad I was here and had these experiences, even the hard ones.
I am trying super hard to rise above and away from ridiculous army wife drama. As you might recall, and you can read about here and here and here, I had a very hard time making friends at first. Fish worked many long hours, it was disgusting outside, I was a hormonal wreck in my first trimester, and depressed and lonely. I finally made some friends. And honestly they were very different than previous friends of mine. But I was different and my life was different. And I was desperate. Fish often commented, especially about one person in particular, that he was surprised I was friends with such. He didn't think of her that favorably. I replied that she had reached out and brought me into the fold, and I appreciated her for who she was. Well in the last couple of months some incredibly immature, unethical, hurtful and super uncool behavior has gone down. I have handled it maturely, by talking directly with the person involved in a calm open manner. Unfortunately I am not dealing with a mature or nice person, and it just kept getting worse, so I just removed myself from this group of friends, and tried to maintain the friendships I had separately with each individual in this group. I never trashed said person, dragged other people into, even spoke about, if it was brought up, I would simply say it was between myself and such and preferred to keep it that way. I am not going to get into the nitty gritty of what happened, because so not worth it. But I can honestly say that while I feel very good about standing up for myself (trust me, this was one of those situations where you must say something, it was ethically horrible what was done) and I full on knew that it risked creating major waves. And the easier thing was to keep my mouth shut and ride out our time here. But what occurred was so egregious I simply couldn't let it go. And others in the group were equally horrified, or so they said. And they all RSVP'd to our farewell party, so I thought things were okay.
I could tell by facebook that everyone was getting together often and we were not being included. But honestly I was totally okay with it. I didn't want to be anywhere near this person, and we have other friends who have been actual friends to us. So, okay we enjoy our final days and move on. Then, the one person I am closest with in this group, and the actual one who came to me in the first place and alerted me to what was going on, because she in part was also horrified, has done a nasty. She was my belly buddy too. She is having a birthday party in her home and I was not invited and the nasty person was. Okay, I can kinda see it, we are leaving, don't make waves, etc. But fucking own it, tell me, don't let me figure it out through facebook. By the way I am beginning to loathe facebook. And then, the husband of my belly buddy, who is facebook friends with my husband, invites him to the party!!!! I believe he has no idea what is going on, but I had to cringe and laugh at the same time. And I just gotta say;
16 more fucking days in this fucking place!!!!
And I hope to never be so fucking desperate again to make friends with such asshats. In fact I never have before, and I have to hope that I won't again. I am sorry this is such a lame post about lame things. I feel lame even writing it. But is it bugging me, so I am lame and writing this. Peace out!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Irrational Packing
18 days I get on a plane. I have practiced strolling around with the baby, diaper backpack and cat. I can totally do this! What I cannot do is let go of some of my things. We are separating the items that are considered HHG (Household Goods) that will go into some unknown Army storage space in an unknown location for who knows how long from our DITY (DO It Yourself) items that we will take via U-Haul to the in-law's house. Space is limited there. I don't want his parents to shit their pants when they see how much stuff we are bringing. The baby gear alone is massive. Two footlockers of toys (most were hand-me-downs or used). What I cannot get myself to put in storage is all my newborn baby things, not even my maternity clothes. I know it is pretty crazy to fathom that we will still be living with the in-laws and having a second child. Hello if we cannot afford to live independently we cannot afford to have another child. Rationally I totally get that. Everyone believes I will eventually get a job and we will be self-supporting. I worry I won't. I tried so hard this go around and got bumpkus. I am six months shy of 40. Have you looked at the statistics for women having babies over 40? Though my statistics were not so great for having a baby at 39 either and look what happily happened!!! So I had a massive meltdown over my breastpump. I NEED to bring it. Also my maternity clothes, newborn bathtub, baby swing, bouncer, newborn-6 months clothes, playmat, tummy time pillow, and the list goes on. 5 tubs. Big tubs. I look forward to the Fish telling me "I told you so" when we unpack these in our own home. But for now, they are coming with us. I know it is irrational, but it simply makes me feel better knowing they are with us. I donated over half my closet, down to two tubs of shoes, and only bringing one small box of books. Compromise to make room for my insanity.
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