Try try try

I have an interview in two days. I got pulled out of the stack because my mother-in-law called her old principal who works in this district, that principal called whomever and now I have an interview. It is the town next door to where we live now. It is a four day a week position for the remainder of the school year, two days a week next year with a chance of more. I am glad. I just can't seem to summon excitement anymore. I am glad I have a chance. I hope I get it. I still have hope. Just not much whoopee anymore. But damn will I look like the most excited person ever in that interview. 

The last couple of days have been a bit yucky. In my attempt to be helpful I got myself embroiled in some extended in-law family dynamics and you could say I came out on the losing end. In the big picture it is not that big of a deal. And as the happiness project has taught me, in a year this really will not matter, so I am letting it go. But, I still call BULLSHIT, but I learned some very important lessons, and I will not go a helping again when certain players are involved. Disappointed, not really hurt anymore, just sadly enlightened.

I really hope in the next six months we manage to get out on our own. It is beginning to take a toll. We need to be us again. We need to have some physical boundaries so I can have some better mental ones, something I struggle with.  But it is really okay. Today we head down to the beach to see the baby's great grandparents who are truly some of the most lovely people I have ever known. And I say this with no bias at all, I have the cutest kid ever!

Babyproofing ug continued

The water heater is set to something that burns my hands often. The powers that be told me that instead of lowering the thermostat on the water heater to the appropriate temp (per numerous babyproofing guides), I should turn off the water valve next to the tub each time the baby is in it. Really? Because that course of action is logical, natural, rational, comforting idea and the expected behavior of people who will always remember to do that!!!! Burns are forever. Scrapes, broken bones, cuts, most likely heal. Burns do permanent damage, cosmetic and beyond. But, ya know waiting extra seconds for water to heat is a major inconvenience. I need to get a fucking job and get the fuck out of here. He will be walking soon and I predict all hell is about to break loose. I fear at minimum baby's college fund is going to be drained replacing porcelain trinkets because I didn't teach the baby "'no". At worst, well I am having panic attacks about it.  Going to find some faucet knob blockers, sigh. Done. Please universe, pretty please land me a job soon. 

Cliché' me again

Oh sweet Jesus. All my lovely, (and I do genuinely mean that), peeps have been so supportive since my latest interview. No I was not offered the job, pretty sure of that, have not gotten my rejection yet.  But once again, one of my peeps who is the WORST with the cliché's managed to outdo themselves AGAIN. Now this person has been in my life forever and is nothing but supportive, but bloody hell, please just stop talking.  Their words to me. "You just have not found your perfect fit yet. The job you get will be the right one for you."

Look this is not cinderfuckingrella okay? I am not dating again. Okay? I did that for a long long long time, married at 37 everyone! I am not being picky, I am not looking for the perfect position. I. NEED. A. JOB. I worked successfully in my field for 15 years, I have a graduate degree, I have references that make me sound like the second coming of Freud, and it is not working. It is NOT because I have not met my soulmate of a job. Please STFU. Please.

I know I am not being nice.  I might also mention I am on steroids, in ER for asthma this past weekend, ROID RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUN!!!

The interview last week taught me a lot. Sitting in the lobby with the other job seekers and listening to their "journey" I got it. Trust me I got it. I am not alone. Others are just as awesome as me, have applied like diarrhea too, and we are all sitting there together. So to my other well meaning peep that said to me. "Well that must have made you feel better, that it is just not you trying so hard." I say, really? NO IT DOES MOST DEF DOES NOT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. Now there was some affirmation in the company but truly, I know it is not me. I have known this for some time. Not news. I may have had some paranoid moments where I thought I might have been black balled, but I have pretty much figured out the reason I am not getting a job is, The economy, stupid! I have enough self-esteem to know I am a sign of the times.

However, that does not fix the problem. I. NEED. A. JOB. So, no well meaning friend, I do not feel better. I feel worse, because basically it confirmed to me that things are not better this hiring cycle, that this is a needle in a haystack search, I am facing a major uphill battle, and I am out of ideas. Really, I am. I can do nothing but keep pounding the pavement and hope something gives. I will not give-up. I can't there is too much at stake. I want to work. I need to work. My unemployment is up in three months, and then I will go get some job. I am still grateful for my time with my son and family.  But I just cannot get all pithy and swishy thinking it is just a matter of time. HORSESHIT. BULLS BALLS. MOTHERFUCKER.

This is not working. Dear well meaning friends, I am grateful that you care, really despite this rant I am. I just can't TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I self-talk myself all day long to keep myself going, I appreciate all the positive things about my life, I keep it in perspective, I apply to jobs every day, I network like crazy, I beg on facebook, I am willing to prostitute myself vocationally.  

Okay. Okay. Just take a deep breath with me. Go to froyo with me. Tell me I am a rock star, and leave it at that. Please don't tell me you are praying for me. Got it? Thanks.

Drizzling

I hate clichés'. I really do. They are just too general for me and I think they often invalidate one's feelings by tying them up with a pithy little bow. I have heard a lot of cliché's during my job search. I truly know everyone means well, but seriously if one more person tells me things happen for a reason, it will get better after the holidays, or things always work out the way they are supposed to....I just might spit in their face.

So when I got called for two interviews on the same day within hours of each other on the opposite ends of the state, I would not say it was pouring job offers. But people were telling me, "when it rains it pours."  Really? I do know everyone means well, but if you are my friend I would hope you would know me well enough to just keep it real with me.  Say something like; "this must really suck, you must be frustrated, I really hope it works out soon".  NO MORE PITHY COMMENTS. Okay enough of that.

So yeah I got called for another interview, which is awesome. Anytime I make it past the initial paper screening it feels great. But I was faced with a choice. The first interview was up in Northern California. We ideally want to be in Southern, but I could totally live where this job was. It is near where I went to college, more affordable than where I used to live in the Bay Area. I was excited. Then I get a call for another interview. It is actually a group interview. So yes past the paper screening but not a one-to-one. So I did some thinking and discussing and it came down to which job would I rather have. The one down in Southern California, even though I felt it was more of a long shot to get the job.  This whole time since we began to discuss what we were going to do come the ETS date, we have taken risks and followed our hearts. We may get to a point where we are more desperate, but as ironic as it sounds, despite living with my in-laws, we are not quite desperate yet.  So I followed my heart to be in Southern California and went to the interview for the long shot job.

I have never had a group interview before. It was kinda bizarre. But also instructive. I got to listen to others responses to pretty much stock questions. I took lots of notes, I am going to incorporate some of the other interviewee's ideas. Is that a type of job search plagiarism? But what was most interesting was sitting in the lobby talking to all these other job seekers.  I am not alone in my experience. Several people have been applying for school psychology jobs for several years with basically the same results as mine. The word on the street is that jobs are easier to come by up North too.  I'm supposed to find out next week if I am chosen. No one has called my references today so I am not holding my breath.

I decided to take the exam to have National Certification. It is something that would be valuable if I went out of state, some school districts give an extra pay stipend for it, and I just thought it might look good.  Also if I am asked how I have kept current during my time out of the field, I can talk about taking this exam. Of course I had to pass it, and truthfully I didn't study that much. When I took my private practice licensing exam 8 years ago (study materials inaccessible in storage, bollocks, but heck I have my breast pump), I studied for a month. I didn't have the highest of hopes. But this week I found out I passed!!! Ya know when shit like that happens I feel so much smarter than I do on a daily basis.  It was a nice little lift.

Now here is also the truth. I am just not ready to give up on best case scenario of living in Southern California. We have already made several decisions that got us here, and I just want to stay on this trail a bit longer. I have a few irons in the fire down here. The job I so desperately wanted last year, and blogged about here and here and then again here, well there are THREE similar openings at community colleges down here. My fab mother-in-law has done some great networking for me, and there are another two jobs where I just might have an inside track, which is huge. I have learned that most school psychologist postings result in over 400 applications. You just don't get out of the stack unless you are lucky or have connections. I want the hubs to continue to go to his nice private University that he can walk to and we can stay a one car family. I don't want to go moving anywhere while he finishes out his semester here. I want to keep working out regularly.

I guess I am still hopeful this could all work out how we envisioned. If it does work out, it will not be for some grand plan of a reason. It will because we hung in there and kept at it