December 31 – Core Story What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)
I wish I had realized this life lesson a long time ago. Perhaps someone tried to teach me, but my thick skull and ego didn't get it. But I had an epiphany the other day. Life is about trial and error. I have often said I am my own worst enemy and when I learn to get out of my own way, success comes. Well I just figured this out, life is trial and error. I have such high expectations for myself and I am so unbelievably earnest in my efforts. When obstacles and "failures" would occur, I would take it beyond personally. I would take it as a divine sign that I was a failure and would never be happy. Like seriously I did. In fact this mind set contributed to the dark years of my late 20's. I am so damn hard on myself. I get so embroiled in beating myself up that I end up immobilized when in fact a course correction and a time out was actually all the was needed. There are so many "stories" in my life where the light was dark, but I eventually pulled through and achieved what I wanted. I just wish I had been nicer to myself and hadn't been so discouraged. I am gonna tell more people about this important lesson.
December 30 – Gift Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?
Oh this is hard. As I have written about, I am not a thing person so much. I value experiences and people above all. I guess I would have to say weathering the adjustment I experienced leaving my life in SF, moving cross country, becoming a wife, and adjusting to life in the South, being a Stay at Home Wife after striking out at getting a job, and building a life here. I firmly made it to the other side, my marriage was stronger for my pain (scary but true) as the hubs showed his amazing plumage (sorry for the cross animal refererce) and was once again my hero. The gifts of this hard road and hard fought battle will decorate me forever.
December 29 – Defining Moment Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.
6/16/2010
Touchdown in Georgia. After months, if not years, of planning and worrying (and yes a few panic attacks), I landed in the same region as the Fish. Yes after 22 months for the first time we would be living in the same place. From that moment on 8/13/2008 when I first laid eyes on the Hubs, so many moments had led to this. I was exhausted but exhilarated. A major meltdown was about to build from a slow burn to an inferno in terms of homesickness and grief for my former life. But I always knew this was the best decision of my life and I had no regrets. It was a major turning point not in just my year but my entire life. I had wondered if I could actually pull it off. Could I leave everything? Could I take this major leap of faith and marry this man and follow him where the Army sent us? There were some doubters and people that tried to derail this, but truly I always knew this was my manifest destiny.
December 28 – Achieve What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.
Re-open my private practice in Southern California. I will feel that the dream is still alive!!!
1. Secure a salary job at an 80% rate which allows me time to build up my private practice.
2. Identify referral streams and prepare a marketing packet
3. Follow up on packet
4. Get website up and running
5. Update marketing materials, new brochure!!!
6. Make a list of possible test kits I need to order or have access to
7. Contact the attorney I used to consult with and find a comparable one in So Cal
8. Update malpractice insurance
9. Commit that this is going to happen
10. File a DBA in So Cal
December 27 – Ordinary Joy Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?
Taking hot showers. I don't know why but this is like my new favorite thing. I mean I have always liked them, but lately it is like being reborn.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
December 26 – Soul Food
What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?
Our wedding cake made by one of our Aunts. We didn't actually even eat it at the reception, but days later we did and I still think about it. That aunt made my shower cake, and seriously I think it was one of the things I looked most forward too. I love cake, what else can I say?
Our wedding cake made by one of our Aunts. We didn't actually even eat it at the reception, but days later we did and I still think about it. That aunt made my shower cake, and seriously I think it was one of the things I looked most forward too. I love cake, what else can I say?
Saturday, December 25, 2010
December 25 – Photo – a present to yourself
Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.
Taken at the end of our wedding celebration by our cousin. I was super happy that day. I strive to always be that happy and in love. Gag.
Friday, December 24, 2010
December 24 – Everything’s OK, and some realtime
Vacay in So Cal has been great despite me coming down with a nasty cold which has sucked balls. Today starts all the holiday parties and then come Monday I head up to SF for a client ($$$), friends, and another party. So far I have given my fab mother-in-law my cold. It has finally stopped raining too!!!
December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK
What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?
I've talked about this before, but peeing on a stick and seeing that we were pregnant and then at 10 weeks gestation getting the chromosome results back. I had been told at my age that it would take on average 12-24 months to conceive and that we had a 35% chance of first trimester miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities. I was prepared as best I could be for the worst and instead got the best. I know how EXTREMELEY fortunate we are. Whenever life throws me a shitball or I begin to feel sorry for myself I just remind myself that the universe gave me the best and most important gift of all. We are bringing a life into this world. Getting pregnant so easily has truly changed me. I honestly worry less. I mean there are some big pieces of the life puzzle that have to fall into place in the next six months and at times I feel anxious about it. But I just tell myself that no matter what we will get through it. Our worst case scenario back-up plan is doable. We have people that love us, we have each other, and we will have a child. I need to spend less time worrying and more time living. I continue to be cognizant and make good choices and lots of plans, but I do not feel a state of anxiety anymore.
December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK
What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?
I've talked about this before, but peeing on a stick and seeing that we were pregnant and then at 10 weeks gestation getting the chromosome results back. I had been told at my age that it would take on average 12-24 months to conceive and that we had a 35% chance of first trimester miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities. I was prepared as best I could be for the worst and instead got the best. I know how EXTREMELEY fortunate we are. Whenever life throws me a shitball or I begin to feel sorry for myself I just remind myself that the universe gave me the best and most important gift of all. We are bringing a life into this world. Getting pregnant so easily has truly changed me. I honestly worry less. I mean there are some big pieces of the life puzzle that have to fall into place in the next six months and at times I feel anxious about it. But I just tell myself that no matter what we will get through it. Our worst case scenario back-up plan is doable. We have people that love us, we have each other, and we will have a child. I need to spend less time worrying and more time living. I continue to be cognizant and make good choices and lots of plans, but I do not feel a state of anxiety anymore.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
DECEMBER 23 – NEW NAME
New Name Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?
I honestly don't want to be anybody but myself.
I honestly don't want to be anybody but myself.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
December 22 – Travel
How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
This kinda bums me out as I had hoped we would travel all over this new region of the US we are living in. So far nada. Between the Fish's crazy work schedule and finances we have gone no where. The beginning half of the year we were doing a commuter marriage so I was traveling between CA and GA every three weeks. For 2011 I am hoping a girls weekend in Nashville and maybe a babymoon to Savannah. Then in the summer we will travel back for our final PCS to CA. I am hoping once the baby fishy gets old enough and we get some funds we could take a honeymoon or something.
This kinda bums me out as I had hoped we would travel all over this new region of the US we are living in. So far nada. Between the Fish's crazy work schedule and finances we have gone no where. The beginning half of the year we were doing a commuter marriage so I was traveling between CA and GA every three weeks. For 2011 I am hoping a girls weekend in Nashville and maybe a babymoon to Savannah. Then in the summer we will travel back for our final PCS to CA. I am hoping once the baby fishy gets old enough and we get some funds we could take a honeymoon or something.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
December 21 – Future Self.
Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)
Chill Hil! Try not to stress out so much and enjoy the day to day and what the universe brings you. Trust that you have the skills and resources to make it through any challenge. Keep saving money!!!
10 years ago: Save more money and worry less. The things that seemed like impossibilities will work themselves out.
Chill Hil! Try not to stress out so much and enjoy the day to day and what the universe brings you. Trust that you have the skills and resources to make it through any challenge. Keep saving money!!!
10 years ago: Save more money and worry less. The things that seemed like impossibilities will work themselves out.
Monday, December 20, 2010
I'm in CA and Reverb catch-up!
We made it to CA and it is awesome!!!! It was quite a haul traveling during the holidays 7 months prego. I will be taking 6 flights this trip and there will be 4 security check points. I was all ready to assert my rights on this first leg and despite walking by those scanners, the TSA was not "screening" anyone. We shall see what happens during the other three legs. My shower was yesterday and it was a ton of fun. It has been raining buckets, like nonstop for days on end. It is kinda funny since my nursery theme is Noah's Ark and we literally had to construct a bridge, which was later washed away, so our guests could enter the home! I don't know how much posting I will be doing while we are here until we get back home after the new year. But as my lovely insomnia allows I will try! I wish all of you out there in the blogosphere a wonderful holiday season. And for my milfamily with loved ones away, I especially wish you peace this New Year. Two years ago the Fish was in Iraq and I had a very hard time enjoying the holidays knowing what he was enduring. I did what I could, put on my best happy face, and was glued to my phone, I didn't care if I was being rude!! So I give you permission to do what you feel like doing, and if no one gets it, so be it! xo
Reverb Catch-up!
DECEMBER 20 – BEYOND AVOIDANCE
What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing?
My wedding album. I have tried to do it numerous times on different photobook sights, and everytime I become overwhelmed and pissed off. I have enlisted the help of others and I am determined to get it done in early 2011!
DECEMBER 19 – HEALING
What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
I have not written much about this but I have an incredibly challenging relationship with my mother. The love of the Fish and his family has truly begun to heal some of these wounds. First to experience unconditional love has made it even more clearer how F’d up my mother can be. Second, it has given me the strength to begin to have appropriate boundaries to shield myself and my new family from further abuse. It took time to begin to heal and I have a feeling this will continue in 2011.
December 18 – Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?
I have talked about this before but I am going to try to learn how to sew! I just had my baby shower and was given so many homemade items and I just love them. I would love to be able to do this for others. I honestly don’t think there is anything I didn’t try in 2010, everything felt new!
December 17 – Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
Wow this one is a bit tough. I have a big mouth and on way too many occasions I have let my mouth run and hurt other’s feelings. In 2009 I opened my mouth and really hurt one of my best friend’s. In the past such behavior has been friendship ending. Instead this friend decided to give me a second chance and I got my arse into therapy and really worked on understanding why I do this. I learned a lot and I hope it is enough to never do it again.
Reverb Catch-up!
DECEMBER 20 – BEYOND AVOIDANCE
What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing?
My wedding album. I have tried to do it numerous times on different photobook sights, and everytime I become overwhelmed and pissed off. I have enlisted the help of others and I am determined to get it done in early 2011!
DECEMBER 19 – HEALING
What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
I have not written much about this but I have an incredibly challenging relationship with my mother. The love of the Fish and his family has truly begun to heal some of these wounds. First to experience unconditional love has made it even more clearer how F’d up my mother can be. Second, it has given me the strength to begin to have appropriate boundaries to shield myself and my new family from further abuse. It took time to begin to heal and I have a feeling this will continue in 2011.
December 18 – Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?
I have talked about this before but I am going to try to learn how to sew! I just had my baby shower and was given so many homemade items and I just love them. I would love to be able to do this for others. I honestly don’t think there is anything I didn’t try in 2010, everything felt new!
December 17 – Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
Wow this one is a bit tough. I have a big mouth and on way too many occasions I have let my mouth run and hurt other’s feelings. In 2009 I opened my mouth and really hurt one of my best friend’s. In the past such behavior has been friendship ending. Instead this friend decided to give me a second chance and I got my arse into therapy and really worked on understanding why I do this. I learned a lot and I hope it is enough to never do it again.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Reverb Catch-up!
December 16 – Friendship
How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
My friends are such an integral and important part of my life. Each and everyone has brought something beautiful to my life but if I would have to pick just one it would be my dear dear friend Jen. I call her the real Angelina Jolie. She is a pediatrician who has traveled the world to help sick children. She adopted a baby from Vietnam. She has taught me how to be a true eco warrior. She has shown me how to walk your talk. She has shown me unconditional love throughout our friendship. Even her family has been there for me. I truly cannot imagine a world without my dear dear friend. I miss her and her daughter everyday. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt we will always be close friends. I trust her input and her friendship to the ends of the earth. We met about 8 years ago through mutual friends and bonded over making paperbag puppets. Over the years our professional respect for each other has grown and our emotional bond has strengthened. I hope she knows how much she means to me.
December 15 – 5 Minutes Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
Wedding, driving across country with a U-Haul, finding our first home, good-bye bon fire, wedding celebration, peeing on a stick, seeing the first ultrasounds, finding out 46 chromosomes and an X, combating homesickness and winning, the strength and love of the fish, loving our kitty, seeing the 27 eggs laid by our lizard, all the quite moments that the fish and I shared.
December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
Oh Moses, I am about to get really really mushy. I apologize. The power of love. I do not believe that all you need is love, or that love conquers all. But I do believe in the healing power of love. The love that is heaped upon me by the Fish and his family has truly been the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced in my life. I do not wish to rag on my family. I am very fortunate. However, unfortunately I have a challenging mother who withheld love, used it as weapon and was not able to love unconditionally. It has scarred and traumatized my life in such incredible ways. I do not blame all my pain and foibles on her, but I do not know a profound detriment her issues have had on me. Not until I experienced true unconditional love from Fish and his family did I truly begin to heal and have appropriate boundaries. I never truly believed that I could have what I ached for my entire life, to be loved. I tell the fish and his family how much I love and appreciate them every opportunity I get!!!
How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
My friends are such an integral and important part of my life. Each and everyone has brought something beautiful to my life but if I would have to pick just one it would be my dear dear friend Jen. I call her the real Angelina Jolie. She is a pediatrician who has traveled the world to help sick children. She adopted a baby from Vietnam. She has taught me how to be a true eco warrior. She has shown me how to walk your talk. She has shown me unconditional love throughout our friendship. Even her family has been there for me. I truly cannot imagine a world without my dear dear friend. I miss her and her daughter everyday. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt we will always be close friends. I trust her input and her friendship to the ends of the earth. We met about 8 years ago through mutual friends and bonded over making paperbag puppets. Over the years our professional respect for each other has grown and our emotional bond has strengthened. I hope she knows how much she means to me.
December 15 – 5 Minutes Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
Wedding, driving across country with a U-Haul, finding our first home, good-bye bon fire, wedding celebration, peeing on a stick, seeing the first ultrasounds, finding out 46 chromosomes and an X, combating homesickness and winning, the strength and love of the fish, loving our kitty, seeing the 27 eggs laid by our lizard, all the quite moments that the fish and I shared.
December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
Oh Moses, I am about to get really really mushy. I apologize. The power of love. I do not believe that all you need is love, or that love conquers all. But I do believe in the healing power of love. The love that is heaped upon me by the Fish and his family has truly been the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced in my life. I do not wish to rag on my family. I am very fortunate. However, unfortunately I have a challenging mother who withheld love, used it as weapon and was not able to love unconditionally. It has scarred and traumatized my life in such incredible ways. I do not blame all my pain and foibles on her, but I do not know a profound detriment her issues have had on me. Not until I experienced true unconditional love from Fish and his family did I truly begin to heal and have appropriate boundaries. I never truly believed that I could have what I ached for my entire life, to be loved. I tell the fish and his family how much I love and appreciate them every opportunity I get!!!
Monday, December 13, 2010
December 13 – Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
Well I have quite a few aspirations. The first has sorta begun which is my job search. I have begun networking and registering on the main website that posts jobs in my profession. I next will be identifying key school districts and organizations and begin marketing myself to them in the New Year. As positions post I will begin applying. I will compile 10 portfolios that are ready to go when needed. I have tentative plans for childcare if the need arises that I need to jet across country for an interview. G-D willing!!!!
We also have Operation Southern Balls VI: About Face. AKA Getting our arses out of the Army and back to California. Mostly the hubs has to do stuff, so I just monitor and worry about it.
I also have an idea for a book. After the new year I will be speaking with an esteemed and published author that is a milblog buddy about how I might go about it. I feel like this is a pipe dream but I am committed to my idea. I also want to find a co-writer bc I just know I do better when I have a collaborator on a project. Plus I think a professional writer would bring to the table what I lack.
So those are my next steps for the next six months. I have lots of other aspirations but I am focusing on the next six months.
PS: I am heading out of town for a few days to see a friend from SF who happens to live 3 hours away. Why it has taken me six months (ahem pity party) to go see her kills me! Fish is in the field and I am being proactive about filling my time. See me fight homesickness!!! I will try to update or do so after I get back mid-week.
We also have Operation Southern Balls VI: About Face. AKA Getting our arses out of the Army and back to California. Mostly the hubs has to do stuff, so I just monitor and worry about it.
I also have an idea for a book. After the new year I will be speaking with an esteemed and published author that is a milblog buddy about how I might go about it. I feel like this is a pipe dream but I am committed to my idea. I also want to find a co-writer bc I just know I do better when I have a collaborator on a project. Plus I think a professional writer would bring to the table what I lack.
So those are my next steps for the next six months. I have lots of other aspirations but I am focusing on the next six months.
PS: I am heading out of town for a few days to see a friend from SF who happens to live 3 hours away. Why it has taken me six months (ahem pity party) to go see her kills me! Fish is in the field and I am being proactive about filling my time. See me fight homesickness!!! I will try to update or do so after I get back mid-week.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
December 12 – Body Integration
This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
Ug this has been a fun year. The Hubs and I made a bet while he was deployed who would work out most. He won and came home ripped, I felt like we both won! I also got in pretty good shape and toned up. I had lost 35 pounds over the past two years and was ready to get it looking good. However then Hubs got back, we traveled and drank like "fishes" and then ate like pigs for the holidays. Then came 5 months of the trifecta of stress: wedding planning, job hunting cross country, commuter marriage, and shutting down my life. I sadly didn't have enough time to work out. I gained back ten pounds and lost my tone. When I hit Sweatyville I was committed to getting back in shape. Well 23 days after getting here I was preggers and forbidden from working out, which later turned out to be bunk advice!!! At 25 weeks pregnant I have gained 20 pounds which seems normal. My arms which are my greatest area of insecurity look like ham hocks. I am working out a few times a week, but could probably do more.
But honestly despite all these ups and downs I feel great about my body. I have never had more awe and appreciation for my body than I do now. I mean I look hilarious but I really don't care. I am making a human!!! I hope for 2011 after I push out this fishy out to get back in shape.
Ug this has been a fun year. The Hubs and I made a bet while he was deployed who would work out most. He won and came home ripped, I felt like we both won! I also got in pretty good shape and toned up. I had lost 35 pounds over the past two years and was ready to get it looking good. However then Hubs got back, we traveled and drank like "fishes" and then ate like pigs for the holidays. Then came 5 months of the trifecta of stress: wedding planning, job hunting cross country, commuter marriage, and shutting down my life. I sadly didn't have enough time to work out. I gained back ten pounds and lost my tone. When I hit Sweatyville I was committed to getting back in shape. Well 23 days after getting here I was preggers and forbidden from working out, which later turned out to be bunk advice!!! At 25 weeks pregnant I have gained 20 pounds which seems normal. My arms which are my greatest area of insecurity look like ham hocks. I am working out a few times a week, but could probably do more.
But honestly despite all these ups and downs I feel great about my body. I have never had more awe and appreciation for my body than I do now. I mean I look hilarious but I really don't care. I am making a human!!! I hope for 2011 after I push out this fishy out to get back in shape.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Reverb December 11 – 11 Things
What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
I have never been a pack rat and try not to hold onto things. In fact when the army moved us we had less than a third of the weight allotment. So what shall I get rid of?
11. The remaining hoochee shirts. I kept a few, but I pretty much no longer feel comfortable showing that much of the girls in public. And let's be honest with 40 facing me down, it is kinda pathetic looking. Plus who knows what they will look like post pregnancy.
10. Old linens. I hold onto these because I think I will use them for cleaning. They take up a lot of space.
9. DVD's. These aren't really mine, but the hubs has hundreds and they take up a lot of room on book shelves and I would rather have books. This will be up for negotiation but I will try.
8. Hangers. I have a very odd assortment and I would really like to get the space saving ones. Plus the hubs and I will most likely be sharing a closet after our move back to California, so we will need the space.
7. Old electronic gear. I have camera's, cords, computers, that I am afraid to throw away. Back in California I will find a recycler.
I have had to ask the hubs for six more as I am out of ideas, I got rid of a shit ton of stuff before my move to Sweatyville.
6. Fake plants. In truth I only have one in the bathroom right now and I think it adds a nice pop of greenery. I maybe had two more before, but I have held onto them. If they do not find a new home in our new home I will toss them.
5. Anxieties. I know not a thing but hubs and I cannot think of anymore. I am way less anxious than I used to be but I would like stop worrying about what if's and just trust the universe more.
4. My lack of motivation to work out. If I get in the groove it is not an issue, but once it has set in it is pretty bad.
3. My tend to procrastinate and cyber-slack at work. Obviously not as applicable anymore but it could be again.
2. My lack of desire to do laundry. I own over a 100 pairs of underwear for a reason.
1. Clutter, figurative and literal. I don't have much around the house but I would like less. Especially around my desk area, that is my dumping ground. We even have an area in the house we have named the dumpster bc we dump everything there.
I am not sure how getting rid of these things will change my life, I guess we will just have to see!
I have never been a pack rat and try not to hold onto things. In fact when the army moved us we had less than a third of the weight allotment. So what shall I get rid of?
11. The remaining hoochee shirts. I kept a few, but I pretty much no longer feel comfortable showing that much of the girls in public. And let's be honest with 40 facing me down, it is kinda pathetic looking. Plus who knows what they will look like post pregnancy.
10. Old linens. I hold onto these because I think I will use them for cleaning. They take up a lot of space.
9. DVD's. These aren't really mine, but the hubs has hundreds and they take up a lot of room on book shelves and I would rather have books. This will be up for negotiation but I will try.
8. Hangers. I have a very odd assortment and I would really like to get the space saving ones. Plus the hubs and I will most likely be sharing a closet after our move back to California, so we will need the space.
7. Old electronic gear. I have camera's, cords, computers, that I am afraid to throw away. Back in California I will find a recycler.
I have had to ask the hubs for six more as I am out of ideas, I got rid of a shit ton of stuff before my move to Sweatyville.
6. Fake plants. In truth I only have one in the bathroom right now and I think it adds a nice pop of greenery. I maybe had two more before, but I have held onto them. If they do not find a new home in our new home I will toss them.
5. Anxieties. I know not a thing but hubs and I cannot think of anymore. I am way less anxious than I used to be but I would like stop worrying about what if's and just trust the universe more.
4. My lack of motivation to work out. If I get in the groove it is not an issue, but once it has set in it is pretty bad.
3. My tend to procrastinate and cyber-slack at work. Obviously not as applicable anymore but it could be again.
2. My lack of desire to do laundry. I own over a 100 pairs of underwear for a reason.
1. Clutter, figurative and literal. I don't have much around the house but I would like less. Especially around my desk area, that is my dumping ground. We even have an area in the house we have named the dumpster bc we dump everything there.
I am not sure how getting rid of these things will change my life, I guess we will just have to see!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Reverb December 10th: Wisdom
Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
There have been so many. But one that impacts me on a daily basis is where the hubs and I decided to live. We never really considered living on Post, but that meant it would be quite a bit more complicated to find a home. I researched and found two property management companies in our new town and arranged for us to be pre-approved to rent a property. We rolled into town with a U-Haul in tow at 10am and began seeing properties. The first company gave us a list and some keys. As we drove by the first property I told the hubs "You don't need to slow down." It was that bad. We decided to wait until after lunchtime to meet with the other property management company and see what they had. They turned out to be awesome. They drove us around for several hours and we saw many properties. We ended up choosing a duplex that was several hundred dollars under our budget!!! We moved in that night! It has been a bit tiny, we had to rent a storage space, but we do really like our place. It is very cozy and the perfect newlywed first home. The location is great and we have loved sprucing it up. And since I have remained unemployed the low rent has been super!
There have been so many. But one that impacts me on a daily basis is where the hubs and I decided to live. We never really considered living on Post, but that meant it would be quite a bit more complicated to find a home. I researched and found two property management companies in our new town and arranged for us to be pre-approved to rent a property. We rolled into town with a U-Haul in tow at 10am and began seeing properties. The first company gave us a list and some keys. As we drove by the first property I told the hubs "You don't need to slow down." It was that bad. We decided to wait until after lunchtime to meet with the other property management company and see what they had. They turned out to be awesome. They drove us around for several hours and we saw many properties. We ended up choosing a duplex that was several hundred dollars under our budget!!! We moved in that night! It has been a bit tiny, we had to rent a storage space, but we do really like our place. It is very cozy and the perfect newlywed first home. The location is great and we have loved sprucing it up. And since I have remained unemployed the low rent has been super!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Reverb December 9th
December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)
Well that is easy! It would have to be our wedding reception Memorial Day weekend. We wanted something fun, casual, and not too expensive. We went with a catered backyard BBQ at a family home. The venue was gorgeous, weather perfect, food outstanding, DJ rocking!! It was supposed to end at 8 and the cops shut us down at 11:30. We were all still on the dance floor. It came out so gorgeous and everyone had a great time. The feeling of having your most beloved people all in one place, celebrating your love, was truly one of the most magical parties of my life. And we came in well under budget!!!
Well that is easy! It would have to be our wedding reception Memorial Day weekend. We wanted something fun, casual, and not too expensive. We went with a catered backyard BBQ at a family home. The venue was gorgeous, weather perfect, food outstanding, DJ rocking!! It was supposed to end at 8 and the cops shut us down at 11:30. We were all still on the dance floor. It came out so gorgeous and everyone had a great time. The feeling of having your most beloved people all in one place, celebrating your love, was truly one of the most magical parties of my life. And we came in well under budget!!!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Reverb December 8th
December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
I think that what makes me different is that I have no problem saying whatever happens to be on my mind. I have been told I have no shame. I admit that I like to say things that will shock people. It is entertaining for me. I also like to keep it real, and pretending to feel a certain way is just not me. I try to be polite and respectful, especially when I am in a professional setting. In social settings, not so much.
Case in point: Recently someone asked me what faith the hubs and I would be raising our child, given we are interfaith-I am Jewish, Hubs was raised Catholic-ish but is agnostic. I replied:
"It is very simple, Jewish vagina = Jewish child."
Jaws dropped. I really thought I was simply explaining Jewish law regarding religion in clear terms.
I think that what makes me different is that I have no problem saying whatever happens to be on my mind. I have been told I have no shame. I admit that I like to say things that will shock people. It is entertaining for me. I also like to keep it real, and pretending to feel a certain way is just not me. I try to be polite and respectful, especially when I am in a professional setting. In social settings, not so much.
Case in point: Recently someone asked me what faith the hubs and I would be raising our child, given we are interfaith-I am Jewish, Hubs was raised Catholic-ish but is agnostic. I replied:
"It is very simple, Jewish vagina = Jewish child."
Jaws dropped. I really thought I was simply explaining Jewish law regarding religion in clear terms.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
OH HAPPY JOY JOY!!!
I just booked a private practice client for when we are in California. That means that I will be flying from Southern California to Northern California for a few days to collect a fat fee and see my beloved peeps. I am beyond excited. I didn't think I would be able to make it up North given the costs. However, now I will be making us some serious cabbage. And I get to go "home". THANK YOU UNIVERSE!!!
Update on the TSA sitch. The ACLU and I are working on getting an OP-ED published regarding my concerns. TSA Hear me roar!!!!
Update on the TSA sitch. The ACLU and I are working on getting an OP-ED published regarding my concerns. TSA Hear me roar!!!!
Reverb December 7th
December 7 – Community Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
I have completely joined the ranks of the milspouse family!! Living near post and all my friends here are milwives. The milblogosphere was my community for quite some time before I PCS'd here. I would really like to connect with the Jewish community in my current town. I am going to be working towards that. I also hope when we make our final PCS home in Summer 2011 I become established in the Jewish community again. I miss it.
I have completely joined the ranks of the milspouse family!! Living near post and all my friends here are milwives. The milblogosphere was my community for quite some time before I PCS'd here. I would really like to connect with the Jewish community in my current town. I am going to be working towards that. I also hope when we make our final PCS home in Summer 2011 I become established in the Jewish community again. I miss it.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Reverb
I'm gonna give this a try!
December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)
A Hanukkah feast! Food! I want to learn how to sew so I can make pillows and curtains. I will be taking a class next month.
December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)
Wow I let go of a lot this past year, my single life (but not self, some traits are still in there). A few friendships whom I felt were not adding to my life but rather taking away. It was hard, but as I was making the transition to my married life, a few people showed that they just didn't have "much use" for me anymore. I let them go.
December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)
By being emotionally present and reflecting on what was occurring in my life. I did as much processing as I could. I had so much change in the past two years, I wondered excitedly about the future.
December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail
1/4/10-The moment I married Fish. Our ceremony was less than romantic. But at that crazy moment amid the tackiness and schlock, I knew I was exactly where I was destined to be and every moment of my life had led to my holding his hand under the tacky arch made by convicts. 7/13/10: A tie of moments was when I peed on a stick and confirmed what I already knew-I was pregnant. It was truly one of the best moments of my life. I had worried that this would never happen to me, and then with amazing ease we were expecting. I get teary just thinking of it right now.
December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
I tell myself that what I want to write about is bitchy whiny and I need to not indulge the urge. I should try to write more positive.
December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)
Change. After 37 years I left the only region of the world I had ever lived in, my single life, my career-got married, moved across country and became a stay at home house wife. Never before has my axis tilted so much. Keeping my head on straight while still enjoying the joy of all the change has been a huge challenge. At six months out I do feel I have firmly made it to the other side. And honestly, besides knowing this is the best and worst moments of my life, I am a better person for it. I wouldn't change a thing!
My word for next year: Beginnings. G-d willing we will see the beginning of our son's life. I am scared shitless and very hopeful we will be capable parents. We will begin our post-military life in Southern California. I am scared shitless and very hopeful that everything will work out; move across country, find a job, Fish starts school and his GI Bill comes in, we find a home that we love, we manage childcare, we continue on the happy trajectory we are on. I am hoping we are beginning to not have so much change.
December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)
A Hanukkah feast! Food! I want to learn how to sew so I can make pillows and curtains. I will be taking a class next month.
December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)
Wow I let go of a lot this past year, my single life (but not self, some traits are still in there). A few friendships whom I felt were not adding to my life but rather taking away. It was hard, but as I was making the transition to my married life, a few people showed that they just didn't have "much use" for me anymore. I let them go.
December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)
By being emotionally present and reflecting on what was occurring in my life. I did as much processing as I could. I had so much change in the past two years, I wondered excitedly about the future.
December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail
1/4/10-The moment I married Fish. Our ceremony was less than romantic. But at that crazy moment amid the tackiness and schlock, I knew I was exactly where I was destined to be and every moment of my life had led to my holding his hand under the tacky arch made by convicts. 7/13/10: A tie of moments was when I peed on a stick and confirmed what I already knew-I was pregnant. It was truly one of the best moments of my life. I had worried that this would never happen to me, and then with amazing ease we were expecting. I get teary just thinking of it right now.
December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
I tell myself that what I want to write about is bitchy whiny and I need to not indulge the urge. I should try to write more positive.
December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)
Change. After 37 years I left the only region of the world I had ever lived in, my single life, my career-got married, moved across country and became a stay at home house wife. Never before has my axis tilted so much. Keeping my head on straight while still enjoying the joy of all the change has been a huge challenge. At six months out I do feel I have firmly made it to the other side. And honestly, besides knowing this is the best and worst moments of my life, I am a better person for it. I wouldn't change a thing!
My word for next year: Beginnings. G-d willing we will see the beginning of our son's life. I am scared shitless and very hopeful we will be capable parents. We will begin our post-military life in Southern California. I am scared shitless and very hopeful that everything will work out; move across country, find a job, Fish starts school and his GI Bill comes in, we find a home that we love, we manage childcare, we continue on the happy trajectory we are on. I am hoping we are beginning to not have so much change.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Hanukkah: The Festival of Lights
I love the holidays and was a bit worried about how they would be this year given the distance and my hormones. However, once I knew my beyond awesome in-laws were going to be here for Thanksgiving I began to feel quite optimistic. Then we knew we were going home for Xmas and I was beyond thrilled. However, that left Hanukkah. In the past I have spent an evening with each set of parents and then had several gatherings with friends. What would it be this year? Mr. Fish and I are inter-faith and have done well blending our holiday traditions. But, how would I celebrate Hanukkah out here without my tribe-mates? It bothered me.
Then last Tuesday I had a really horrible day. It had been quite some time since I had such an awesome meltdown. I was coming off my in-laws leaving and was missing them horribly. My homesickness had made a roaring reappearance. Super. I had a beyond stupid and insulting interview for a nanny position. I am not even gonna go in details. I couldn't find someone to take care of our kitty when were back in California. Then I spent another day struggling with my health insurance and the health providers here in Sweatyville. I was having another horendous bout of asthma and was on my way back to the ER for a second trip. Despite being loaded up on meds and using a home breathing nebulizer up to seven times a day. I just kept getting sicker and couldn't get into an asthma specialist. My internist and OB were out of ideas. I was out of breath walking across the room, my lungs sounded like a freight train and I generally felt like shit. Then that evening I went babysitting out in a torrential downpour. The pittance I made didn't even cover my gas or the Hub's dinner bill at Chick-Fill-A. I was beyond despondent laying in bed sobbing and moaning that I just wanted to go home. I wanted to go to my pulmonologist who would fit me in the same day, I wanted to go back to working and making lots of money. I wanted family around. It was ugly.
But the sun rose the next day and my efforts the day before had paid off. I had an appointment with an asthma specialist who got my breathing under control. He was quite horrified at my state, was breathing at 71% lung function. NOT GOOD. I decided to quit babysitting. Enough is enough. And then I set about pushing back against my feelings. I contacted every single person I knew here and made as many plans as I could. I went shopping with some milwives and bought some UGGS that I had been wanting for years. And I planned a Hanukkah dinner feast.
I love to entertain. Truly not much makes me happier than having a house full of people. And I love to cook. I figured, what the heck. So what if I was the only Jew at the table? We were fucking celebrating Hanukkah!!! On Friday night we had two other couples over, (friends of the Hubs from his last duty station). Our guests had never had Jewish food let alone celebrated Hanukkah. I decorated the house. I made the following from scratch: matzah ball soup, kugel, latkes, and brisket. I taught a brief lesson on the meaning of the holiday and we played dreidel. We all had a blast!!!
The next day I was posting pics on Facebook and one of my new milwives friend's commented that she wanted some Jewish food. Well, in true Jewish tradition I had more than twice the amount of food leftover that I had needed. Hell we had only eaten about three pounds of the eight pound brisket. A kugel was left and plenty of matzah ball soup. In a matter of hours we had another dinner party for six. I reheated the leftovers, they were even better the second day and made fresh latkes. We had another blast!!!
I woke up this morning breathing easy literally and figuratively. Could I have somehow possibly regained my mojo?
Happy Hanukkah y'all!
My pretty table:
Then last Tuesday I had a really horrible day. It had been quite some time since I had such an awesome meltdown. I was coming off my in-laws leaving and was missing them horribly. My homesickness had made a roaring reappearance. Super. I had a beyond stupid and insulting interview for a nanny position. I am not even gonna go in details. I couldn't find someone to take care of our kitty when were back in California. Then I spent another day struggling with my health insurance and the health providers here in Sweatyville. I was having another horendous bout of asthma and was on my way back to the ER for a second trip. Despite being loaded up on meds and using a home breathing nebulizer up to seven times a day. I just kept getting sicker and couldn't get into an asthma specialist. My internist and OB were out of ideas. I was out of breath walking across the room, my lungs sounded like a freight train and I generally felt like shit. Then that evening I went babysitting out in a torrential downpour. The pittance I made didn't even cover my gas or the Hub's dinner bill at Chick-Fill-A. I was beyond despondent laying in bed sobbing and moaning that I just wanted to go home. I wanted to go to my pulmonologist who would fit me in the same day, I wanted to go back to working and making lots of money. I wanted family around. It was ugly.
But the sun rose the next day and my efforts the day before had paid off. I had an appointment with an asthma specialist who got my breathing under control. He was quite horrified at my state, was breathing at 71% lung function. NOT GOOD. I decided to quit babysitting. Enough is enough. And then I set about pushing back against my feelings. I contacted every single person I knew here and made as many plans as I could. I went shopping with some milwives and bought some UGGS that I had been wanting for years. And I planned a Hanukkah dinner feast.
I love to entertain. Truly not much makes me happier than having a house full of people. And I love to cook. I figured, what the heck. So what if I was the only Jew at the table? We were fucking celebrating Hanukkah!!! On Friday night we had two other couples over, (friends of the Hubs from his last duty station). Our guests had never had Jewish food let alone celebrated Hanukkah. I decorated the house. I made the following from scratch: matzah ball soup, kugel, latkes, and brisket. I taught a brief lesson on the meaning of the holiday and we played dreidel. We all had a blast!!!
The next day I was posting pics on Facebook and one of my new milwives friend's commented that she wanted some Jewish food. Well, in true Jewish tradition I had more than twice the amount of food leftover that I had needed. Hell we had only eaten about three pounds of the eight pound brisket. A kugel was left and plenty of matzah ball soup. In a matter of hours we had another dinner party for six. I reheated the leftovers, they were even better the second day and made fresh latkes. We had another blast!!!
I woke up this morning breathing easy literally and figuratively. Could I have somehow possibly regained my mojo?
Happy Hanukkah y'all!
My pretty table:
Thursday, December 2, 2010
How I learned what an Eastern King was
Another post from the past:
My mother like most mothers wants nothing more than for me to be happy. However, like most Jewish mothers she has a very clear idea of what it takes for me to be happy. Namely, marrying a nice Jewish professional. Problem is I am not particularly attracted to Jewish men; their personalities, coloring, and body hair patterns, don’t exactly excite me. So my mom is kinda panicking as I progress through my 30’s in happy singlehood. She asks me if I would allow her to set me up with someone. And for no other reason than thinking this would get her off my fucking back for a few months, I say yes.
Here are the guy’s stats. 37. Jewish (of course). Israeli born parents but he was raised here. Very successful attorney. Philanthropic, he is on the board of the JCC with my step-dad. We correspond via email, and text, and voicemail for like a month before we are actually able to meet face to face. But that is okay because that is when I was harboring a fugitive who I thought was in love with me. I claim Stockholm Syndrome. A story for another blog.
Anyhow we meet up and I am not repulsed completely, which is a start I guess. Of course he is blown away by me. Now I know that sounds snotty, but it is true. We have a nice time, nicer than I thought. He is super smart, which is a huge turn on for me. And we basically talk for 4 hours straight about interesting things. He doesn’t get any alcohol and states he rarely drinks. I have two drinks and think to myself, perfect designated driver. I am not sure I can see myself getting naked with him, but I am really trying to lead with my head instead of my vagina. So I decide if he asks we will go on a second date. We hug good-bye briefly, what a gentleman.
We go out a week later and he comes to SF, he lived in San Jose. He brings flowers. Nicely played. We go to an outdoor concert, I make an amazing picnic. I love to make picnics by the way. We have a nice time. It is a Sunday and I go to trivia at a neighborhood pub in the evening. There is no way he is meeting my friends just yet. He has court in the morning, he goes home.
The next week I meet him after work at his house. Cool, recon. He owns his own home. He gives me the nickel door, some interesting decorating choices but I can repaint. Then when we are in his bedroom I spy his big bed and say:
“Oh you have a king bed, I have a king bed too.”
He replies, “But is yours an Eastern King?”
I ask, “I have a California King. What the fuck is an Eastern King?”
“Well I actually had to special order it from the East Coast. It is shorter but wider than a Cal King. That way you do not have to touch the person.”
I reply, “You do realize you just said that out loud right?” He giggles. I call him the next day and thank him for all his kindness but I really do not see this progressing beyond friends. He is bummed and asks me if I will tell him why. And you know I really appreciate his interest in personal growth. So as I trained professional I gently give him this constructive feedback.
"It just would have never worked. I think you are a great guy with a lot to offer to someone, but you would simply do not have enough mojo to make me happy.”
He told me he appreciated my candor and wished me well. Now here is the really really funny thing. He is Israeli so his parents gave him a Hebrew name. When you say it in English it sounds like………… ...wait for it…………ALONE! I cannot make this shit up. And well, word on the street is that Alone is still alone. I am dating a goy now and couldn’t be happier. (Update: ended up marrying that goy, who is truly my beshert/soulmate. Cheers to following your vagina!)
My mother like most mothers wants nothing more than for me to be happy. However, like most Jewish mothers she has a very clear idea of what it takes for me to be happy. Namely, marrying a nice Jewish professional. Problem is I am not particularly attracted to Jewish men; their personalities, coloring, and body hair patterns, don’t exactly excite me. So my mom is kinda panicking as I progress through my 30’s in happy singlehood. She asks me if I would allow her to set me up with someone. And for no other reason than thinking this would get her off my fucking back for a few months, I say yes.
Here are the guy’s stats. 37. Jewish (of course). Israeli born parents but he was raised here. Very successful attorney. Philanthropic, he is on the board of the JCC with my step-dad. We correspond via email, and text, and voicemail for like a month before we are actually able to meet face to face. But that is okay because that is when I was harboring a fugitive who I thought was in love with me. I claim Stockholm Syndrome. A story for another blog.
Anyhow we meet up and I am not repulsed completely, which is a start I guess. Of course he is blown away by me. Now I know that sounds snotty, but it is true. We have a nice time, nicer than I thought. He is super smart, which is a huge turn on for me. And we basically talk for 4 hours straight about interesting things. He doesn’t get any alcohol and states he rarely drinks. I have two drinks and think to myself, perfect designated driver. I am not sure I can see myself getting naked with him, but I am really trying to lead with my head instead of my vagina. So I decide if he asks we will go on a second date. We hug good-bye briefly, what a gentleman.
We go out a week later and he comes to SF, he lived in San Jose. He brings flowers. Nicely played. We go to an outdoor concert, I make an amazing picnic. I love to make picnics by the way. We have a nice time. It is a Sunday and I go to trivia at a neighborhood pub in the evening. There is no way he is meeting my friends just yet. He has court in the morning, he goes home.
The next week I meet him after work at his house. Cool, recon. He owns his own home. He gives me the nickel door, some interesting decorating choices but I can repaint. Then when we are in his bedroom I spy his big bed and say:
“Oh you have a king bed, I have a king bed too.”
He replies, “But is yours an Eastern King?”
I ask, “I have a California King. What the fuck is an Eastern King?”
“Well I actually had to special order it from the East Coast. It is shorter but wider than a Cal King. That way you do not have to touch the person.”
I reply, “You do realize you just said that out loud right?” He giggles. I call him the next day and thank him for all his kindness but I really do not see this progressing beyond friends. He is bummed and asks me if I will tell him why. And you know I really appreciate his interest in personal growth. So as I trained professional I gently give him this constructive feedback.
"It just would have never worked. I think you are a great guy with a lot to offer to someone, but you would simply do not have enough mojo to make me happy.”
He told me he appreciated my candor and wished me well. Now here is the really really funny thing. He is Israeli so his parents gave him a Hebrew name. When you say it in English it sounds like………… ...wait for it…………ALONE! I cannot make this shit up. And well, word on the street is that Alone is still alone. I am dating a goy now and couldn’t be happier. (Update: ended up marrying that goy, who is truly my beshert/soulmate. Cheers to following your vagina!)
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