Treading along

Call it the dog days of summer but I am ready for fall. Perhaps the change of seasons will help me get off the pity pot I have installed on my sofa. I am not as down as I was in the past but I am still a bit down there. I guess I have come to that stage in my grief for my former life where I am at acceptance. Yeah this is my life for now and it is up to me to make the best of it. There is plenty of best, no doubt about that. I could make a list if I wanted to be all sunshine and rainbows, but that is just not me.

What have I done? I have begun applying for jobs in earnest again, so since April I have applied to 56 jobs. I have had two interviews and no offers. I am sure this is how it is for many out there but this is not how it was for me. Last time I needed a job I had three offers within a day and a half of looking. I realized I very well might not get a job in my area of specialization, educational psychology, but I thought I would find something in the mental health/education/child centered field. I have always joked there is job security when working with the crazy and ankle biters. NOPE. But I am going to keep trying. For now I have unemployment. We are paying our bills just fine. It's just that debt is not getting paid down, nor are we saving like I would like. Not to mention the complete impossibility of a honeymoon. But that is life and a problem we can live with. We have everything that is most important, our kitty, lizards, snake, internet, cable, cars, our family and friends from afar and of course each other. So it is really not that bad from a financial vantage. The emotional is the bigger problem.

My circle of trust have made many good suggestions, though I gotta say I had already thought of most of these.

Volunteer!

This is gonna sound extremely snotty, I realize this. But I have worked in the helping field for over 15 years and to go volunteer is not going to make me feel all mushy and purposeful inside. Yes it would give me something to do, but I am not big on giving away the pretty. Sure could it lead to a job?, perhaps. Maybe I will get the stick out of my ass and see about it.

Get a hobby!

Well, how do I say this without sounding snotty again? I am not a hobby girl. Never have been. What do I like to do? Work. I have loved having a career and have excelled at it. That gave me purpose. That gave me entertainment. That gave me intellectual stimulation. What I did for fun revolved around being active (which sadly I am prohibited from doing right now) and spending time with my friends (let's not go there right now). So perhaps now is the time for a new hobby. Anyone got any ideas for something cheap and social?

But truly it is not as gloom and doom as it sounds. Bring on a rainbow! Let me try to get all Pollyanna on my ass. The hubs and I are doing fantastic!!! Would it be so if I was all busy and wound up in my career? My parents came and we had a great visit, I bawled saying good-bye, pretty! Living somewhere very different is good for me, I know this, bitching and all. It is only temporary and will be over before I know it. Blah Blah Blah.

I am going to book my ticket for a trip back home in October for a wedding. Thank G-D!!!

Sooooooooooo not in California anymore

Got pulled over twice on my drive back from Florida. Must get rid of my California plates. First one was let off bc his printer wasn't working. Second one got hauled into the court house and told that I could either be put in the slammer until my court date or pay up. Apparently Geogia and California do not have a compact, whatever the fuck that means. It was a speed trap and I was trying to slow down, I was going 66 in a 55, I had someone riding my ass and another car on my right. The prick of an officer told me I should have just let the car hit me. Yeah like I was going to do that with my 70+ parents in the car. Was also told a bunch of very derogatory anti-California messages. My court date is on the 19th. They are going to see the biggest can of California whoopass they have ever seen. I just might enjoy this.

Throwing myself a pity party starting right now

I hate that I feel this way and that I feel compelled to blog about this, but it is the truth. I am feeling sorry for myself. And man am I pissed at myself for feeling this way. Also being a professional head shrinker, I know I should not be getting mad at myself for having feelings. There is no such thing as a wrong or stupid feeling, it is what we do with our feelings that matters. Blah Blah. So I shall blog and vent to ya'll. I guess I just feel that feeling this way is a bit ungrateful. I finally got what I wanted; I found a life partner and we are getting to live the dream. The problem is that it is in the South and I have lost my life and slowly my mojo. Here is the evidence:

• I no longer seem to care if I look like ass. I count it as a badge of honor if I have not showered or left the house all day.
• I like to call utility companies and complain about the charges. Today was Georgia Power. How can our bill be 180 a month for a two bedroom shack when we conserve like crazy. I spent 45 minutes on the phone debating Public Utilities Policies (I personally think they are shafting us and taking advantage). It's true, I enjoyed the social interaction and intellectual challenge.
• I have started frequenting the drive-thru's of fast food joints. And I never ate fast food. It is too hot to cook, even tuna fish bc my fucking house will not get below 82 fucking degrees but my car will. So an air conditioned trip to MickeyD's is a treat. Don't mind the gas-whore that I am being in my SUV.
• I have been a grouch to my husband and had a long talk with him about the proper way to put the kitchen bag in the container.

KILL ME NOW!!!

I am trying to get a job to no avail. I am enjoying my unemployment insurance though. Oh don't judge I have been paying my taxes for 27 years and have been getting butt fucked by being middle class. See I am even being grumpy with you.

Don't even start with the friends stuff. It has gotten worse. I went to another meet-up thing. After 90 minutes of trying to start a conversation about something besides our husbands, I had to leave. I calm myself by going to TJMAXX. I can no longer afford Target.

So are you having fun at my pity party. Sucks right? How sorry do you feel for me right now? Not much, I don't blame you.

My parents are getting into town this evening and that will be AWESOME!!! My dad, my great step-mom and I will be heading down to Florida Wednesday to visit my cousin and aunt and uncle. That will be amazing. After they leave I am committing myself to doing something about this lamo attitude. I am smarter than this. I got game, I am cool. There has gots to be a cool person out there I can be friends with. Right? There has gots to be a job that pays more than my unemployment insurance, right?

So I need to eat a STFU sandwich for now. Do they have those from a fast food drive thru?