The data is in

It has been a fast and furious week or so. We finally got our orders, quickly attended our transportation briefings, scheduled our movers, reserved our U-Haul for the partial DITY and booked a one-way ticket for myself, the baby and the cat (that should be fun plane ride!) I am already laughing at the image of myself hauling balls across DFW with the baby strapped to me and that cat in the carrier. We have a 40 minute connection! But hey it was a free ticket thanks to all the frequent flyer miles I racked up this summer. Didn't get a job out of it, but did get a free plane ticket. Hey it is something!!! We have the big stuff nailed down and lots of little things to do. I am excited, nervous, nostalgic, hysterical, and joyful all at the same time. I am ready for this next chapter of our lives to begin. 24 days and counting and we head home. Amazing.

Real Homecomings

The recent rash (does 2-3 shows qualify as rash?) of homecoming shows has struck me several different ways. On the one hand I am happy to see coverage of military families. On the other hand I feel it glamorizes, simplifies, cheesifies, and minimizes the pain and sacrifice of military families.

As I sat and reflected yesterday on 9/11/01 the one thing that kept sticking with me, while I read and watched memorials, is that one of the true aftermaths of 9/11 was barely being shown. The simple truth is that the most moving homecomings are not when some show gets the daddy to dress up like a knight and surprise his son. Or when the daddy shows up at a little girl's kindergarten class. It is not even when the family dog goes berserk when it sees its master for the first time.

What sticks in my mind is when Heidi saw her husband for the first time at Dover AFB in a flag draped coffin. When Karie buried her husband after a valiant fight with amputation, PTSD, TBI, and then to die in an inpatient PTSD facility. When Rachel buried her husband before he ever met his new born baby girl. We cheer on Dena as she heroically rebuilds her life after her beloved husband gave the ultimate sacrifice. When Megan's husband stood for the first time on his prosthetic leg. And now we wait for Kat see her beloved husband minus two legs in an Army hospital. There are way too many more out there, this is just a itty bitty snippet.

While I understand those homecomings are private and I would never want them invaded and cheapened by cameras. But I do desperately want the 99% of the American populace that are not directly touched by this war to UNDERSTAND THESE HOMECOMINGS.

It has been 10 years and much has changed. Thanks to our brave soldiers we are a safer nation. However, so many military families continue to fight through death, injury, separation, and mental illness. These families are the greatest of the next great generation." Not just today, but EVERYDAY, they should be celebrated, loved and supported.

Prayers for a fellow milblogger

One of my favorite bloggers' husband has been injured. Please keep them in your thoughts. It is time to circle the wagons and support one of our sisters.

http://unlikelywife.blogspot.com/

stoopid

i am so ready to be out of this place. i swear if i stayed here much longer my mojo will have atrophied beyond regeneration. i am having a glass half empty day. i am struggling to hold onto my identity, make this ets transition, and not beat the shit out of myself. the rational part of me knows this anxiety i am feeling is biochemical. that there is a very real anxiety provoking situation here. that we will be okay. that we will get through this. that we will achieve our goals. that at the end of the day i am living the dream. however, the rational brain is not in control. bsc (batshitcrazy) is.

i have not been sleeping well. part of that is for the last five months i have not slept through the night. i am sick right now and that makes sleeping hard. and i have anxiety coursing through my veins sending shards of glass into my precious organs. that is what anxiety feels like to me. i know what to do to dampen the beast, but my best tricks, exercise, and sleep just are not possible right now. i am hoping my other tricks will work, reaching out to friends, though that is limited to one that I trust here, distracting myself with getting important things accomplished, just letting myself cry, focusing on the funny and positive, and reminding myself that this too shall pass. and yes avoiding triggers.

now if i could have magically made our second car not break down yesterday (yeah that shit again) and I could have prevented talking to that stupid person that instead of setting up the savings account for my child as i asked, started selling me life insurance and scared the complete crap out of me and contributed to me feeling like a looser and that I was failing my child.

alright, i am gonna get dressed so once fishy gets up we can get out of the house and distract me. okay. deep. breath. i. got. this.

A PSA for the reserves and marching on

This week we checked one of the vital "To Do" items from our ETS list. Fish joined the Army reserves. For anyone out there in mil-land that is considering ETS I gotta share the specs. I am not going to sugar coat it, we are doing this for the health care. Some might judge and scoff about duty, but for our family ETS was the best decision, and trust me if you have read along, this decision was not come to easily. In order for our little family to continue to receive tricare prime we will be paying 197.66 for our entire family. If we want dental that is another 45. That is crazy cheap. In addition, we do not start paying the premium for 6 months from our ETS date, as our current coverage is good until then. That is what I am calling a signing bonus, even if Fish says technically it is not. Nearly $1500 in our pockets is a bonus for me!!! Fish joined the Army Reserves for one year, and in that one year he is under a stabilization order, meaning he cannot be deployed overseas. If there is a need CONUS, he will happily serve. Just please don't send my husband back to the sandbox, been there done that, twice. At the end of his reserve year, he has the option to sign-up again for three years. I really applaud the military for having this options for ETS'ing soldiers. It is a bridge we desperately needed. I truly think we would be re-enlisting if we didn't have this option. So thank you!



I had a phone interview for an internship this week and can I just say, Breath. of. fresh. air. They were so nice. Said things like, you have amazing experience, we feel we could learn from you. I mean, someone played angry birds during my last interview, my ego needed this. And truthfully I have always felt really good about my professional skills and was so frustrated with the outcome of my job search. In the end I have an unpaid internship if I want it. If we do end up living at grandma's this could work. They were very understanding and told me to just let them know when I know, and they would be "thrilled" (yep they used that word, to have me.



I got a call for another interview. My first reaction was, ah man, not again. Nice attitude huh? I just don't have it in me to make another trip out. The financial and emotional expense, the three ring circus that goes on with the California crew in order to accommodate us, it is just too much. So I called them and asked for a phone interview, and they granted it!!! Really. I asked. They said yes. Just like that. I mean of course this could simply mean I am not a viable candidate and they already have someone for the position but simply have to interview more than one person. But I am not getting on a plane and all that entails and if this is a good job, it will be. I am done twisting and turning.