Milfriends

Fish and I had another fun night with our group of milfriends. I made this group of friends through joining a Meetup group I found through Craigslist. As you might recall at the beginning I was quite skeptical. Typically this group of 4-6 couples gets together every other weekend, if not more often. We gather at someone's house, people bring food and beverages. We either hang out or play a game. Last night it was Xbox kinnect dance game, sorry don't the name. It was hilarious. Fish even got up and danced. My belly buddy and I got up with our 8 month bellies and had a dance off. HYSTERICAL. As we drove home, Fish does enjoy his automatic designated driver-I am looking forward to my turn!- I had to get all Pollyanna and remark what a nice group of people we are fortunate to be friends with. I had awesome friends in CA. However, whenever I have had a group of friends, there is always some drama, pretension, difficulty with planning. With this group nothing. I do not fear that when someone leaves the room they will talk about one another. Here is a very diverse group, NCO's, officers, differing ranks and ages, different regions of the U.S., divergent political beliefs, some with kids, others with not. And like everyone gets along. I know this will be hard to replicate in California.

Gratuitous Kitty shot

She has made a home on the new bed. I think she is ready for grandma to come visit. Very exciting, the grandparents to be have bought plane tix!!! Most fishy prep is done. Rash is still here. The rash is called PUPPP, one of the P's in addition to pustule stands for plague. I cannot make this up. New anti-itch Rx for night time, blood work to make sure it is not something worse. Other than that not much can be done.

Other than that, all is good. Today my facebook status reads:

With time comes clarity, clarity leads to understanding, and understanding leads to good choices.

Some new developments in our ETS sitch as well as my momster. Patience for the process, so important.

The grossness continues............

I am sorry that I have nothing fabulous to blog about. I have a horrible preggo rash, called pupp, and one of the P's stands for pustule. It is all over my torso, boobies, arms, hips and ass. It itches like crazy and hurts. I inappropriately itch myself in public, and don't really care. I have a reg ob appointment tomorrow and I hope they can do something. I do not like my ob but have been resistant to changing again. She spends less time with me than my vet. I clocked her once, she tried to leave the room after 45 seconds!!! I usually have someone block the door so I can get my questions answered. Anyhow it is gross and I itch all the time and it hurts and I whine a lot. 9 weeks to go!!!

We have a social life. Like seriously. Friday night milfriends drove us 50 miles out of town to pick up a bed from craigslist so my mother-in-law has something decent to sleep on when she visits. Then we went dryer shopping with them and then had dinner. Saturday night I went out to dinner with two milgirlfriends, to a swanky restaurant in another town. It was as close to a SF moment as I have had in my 8 months here. Sunday we went to a football game night with another three milcouple friends. Tonight we are going out to dinner with some other friends. I had a blast at all three events. Like seriously how did this happen?

We are in a big brainstorm stage here at Casa Fish. Basically we have come to an understanding that cross country job hunting during the 3 month newborn stage is just not realistic and not fair to the baby, me, him, us. We have come up with some good possible options that include changing ETS/school drop/terminal leave dates, Army Reserves, unemployment insurance, much much further research and data collection, and then making the best decision possible. But we will not be setting ourselves up for an anxiety ridden trainwreck post-birth. Nope. Not going do it. We are better parents than that.

I'm going to go itch some more. Shalom!

I hate cars Part II: with enthusiasm

As you recall from this earlier post:

We have been having a bit of fun with our second car. Well the mofo broke down again yesterday and the rebuilt engine we put in it blew up!!! Luckily our warranty was still in effect. At the auto repair shop this sign greeted us:



I laid in bed last night being a bit miffed about the situation and bemoaning the fact that in addition to the car crap after repairing our dryer for third time it was declared dead. Fish pointed out that at least the same things keep breaking again and again, so it is not like everything is breaking. Good point. And then I started really laughing. I really don't like laughing at other's misfortune, but I do find it a bit funny that someone else is getting screwed by this stupid car. I mean we had to replace the engine ($1700) after owning the car for six weeks, and now the auto repair shop has to replace the engine 10 weeks after they put a rebuilt one in. So we both started laughing with a great deal of enthusiasm.

Fish Reflects

As we were eating dinner the other night Fish was in a pensive mood. I had been talking about my day which included finishing a multi-day organization project, lunch with friends, arranging service calls, taking a class, cleaning house and a shower! And yeah I sounded pleased with myself. Then he interrupted. He suggested we flash back four months when my day consisted of multiple sobbing sessions, forgetting the last time I showered, often still in my PJ's, a less than tidy house, and a day on the couch. He commented, "It's nice to have you back."

First ever snowday!!!

For this California girl, this was exciting!!! They even shut down Post. My artic warrior was offended.



I decided in order to honor this day, we should do arts and crafts! Stormy was slightly more enthusiatic about the activity.

I've got trolls!

Hey at least someone is reading and commenting. I guess you are not supposed to feed the trolls, but since when did I ever had adequate impulse control? So in response:

Comment from Anonymous (of course)

try getting rid of the reptiles. then you won't need a separate room to house them. (save on rent $$ with a smaller apartment.)

Wow the reptiles are so flattered that you think they have a separate room. We love them way too much and keep them out in the living room, then we can all watch the History Channel together. We will probably never have a separate reptile room ($$), though the Fish does dream about this. Perhaps one day there will be room in a garage, but for now they are with us. Trust me we are frugal, I am a Jew and milspouse after all, but any other cost cutting ideas are more than welcome! Also I could almost never have the Fish get rid of his reptiles. Next to his family they are his greatest love. Everyone needs a hobby and I actually think this is a great one. We get our food online in order to save, get used equipment, etc.

Another comment from Anonymous one minute later, why I really got under your craw, cool!

well good thing we don't have national healthcare. what was fish fighting for in iraq other than keeping the socialists off american soil

How predictable! I love the regurgitation of Fox news, you are right affordable health care is going to cause our country to be taken over by socialism. And that would be apocalyptic.

And then I got a very helpful comment from a new reader, Jessica you are not a troll but obviously a very fly chick. Definitely something to look into. At this point we have been told the VA care is limited to service related health issues.

I am not giving up on trying to avoid this cluster fuck. In my incessant need to run my mouth (hello blog!) to my milspouse friends, they have come up with some decent ideas that are worth pursuing. So we shall see. I do not feel entitled to free health care, but I do believe it should be affordable and after Fish's years of service I do believe there should be a better bridge. Heck, I got 120 days of coverage when I left my job, that I was only at for 3 years, and I worked 80%. I will keep you all posted, thanks for reading and commenting. I do appreciate it! Have a great Sunday!!!

Pre-PCS ETS Meltdown Take I

Well the fun (aka anxiety has begun). In an effort to get organized I got a wall calendar and began plotting out the next six months. I started off with a mission statement:

Operation Southern Balls VI: About Face

Mission Objective: Expel ourselves from the South and land in California intact.

Target Date for Completion: 8/1/2011

Objectives:
1. Fish start school with all rights and privileges of the GI Bill. Working towards degree and credential within prescribed timelines.
2. Hil obtain a job which provides affordable healthcare and reasonable commute.
3. Secure housing within budget and needs.
4. Childcare arranged.
3. School and Job allow sufficient family time (couple and child), recreation, fitness, and time with loved ones.
4. Breed reptiles and open private practice.
5. Live within our financial resources and save for future.

Sounds good right? Well then I started plotting month by month all the tasks to be completed and the news to be gotten. And well............. By the time hubs got home I had whipped myself into quite a state. I am not sure how much this was fueled by pregnancy hormones, roid rage (back on steroids again-3rd horrible bout of asthma this pregnancy ug), or insomnia. But it was ugly. And we are not talking just one incident. I had two summits to discuss my feelings. Realizing that we had this very compressed period of three months, that involved birth, job search and move was just too much. In the past few weeks we have gone round and round about the ETS (end of term of service, aka so long army) date.
We have looked at this from every angle possible. It comes down to that I feel that our current timeline does not allow me enough breathing room to accomplish post-birth what needs to be done. I mean really how the hell am I going to job search, jump on planes and fly across country shortly after birth to interview? Organizing a move, which practically sent me over the edge last time, seems the easiest task. Yes I just used easy and move in the same sentence.

And what keeps tripping us up, what prevents us from changing the plan is health care. Did you know when you ETS that your health care stops on your last day of duty? No 30 day grace period. Nada. Thanks for 8 years of service and 26 months of combat duty, be well! You can enroll in the military equivalent of COBRA (paying for your health insurance for 18 months), but for a family of three it is over $700 a month!!! While it is an option, it is just not realistic for us to pay that long term. Here is the thing when it comes to us. If we do ETS in 7/11 and I would need to get a job in order to secure health care. This job would begin around 8/11 (I work in education, so I work on school year calendar, if I don't get a job in August, odds are I am not getting one). I do have some conflicting emotions about going back to work, but I am okay with it. I just have a major problem going back to work so soon post-birth and I am not sure how realistic it is to job search given our birth/job search/ETS cluster fuck. What makes this even more of an mind fuck, is that between the GI bill living stipend, unemployment, and Fish working a part-time job, we could financially manage to ETS in 12/1 and I could go back to work in 8/12, IF, IF, IF we didn't have healthcare premiums.

So after two extremely painful (for both of us) discussions we came back again to that ETS 7/11 is the best option. Everything just has to go perfectly and I have to keep my shit together. I know myself well enough to know that multiple stressors do not bring out the best in me. I do not always rise to the occasion, but rather crumple into a sobbing ball. I do not want my first months with my child to be fraught with such peril. But I guess these are the cards that life is dealing us right now. We will have to embrace it and do the best we can. It just pisses my liberal heart off that health care is what is tripping us up. I hope you are happy GOP.

The gross side of Pregnancy

First a disclaimer. I apologize in advance if this post offends anyone. I do truly appreciate the gravity of the blessing I am experiencing. In no way does the following commentary diminish the beyond appreciation I feel for the gift that I am cooking in my womb. I desperately hope that those out there that are experiencing infertility are not insulted. I have nothing but respect for those on that journey. In addition, those that do not want to hear about prego stuff (I have tried to keep it at a min on this blog), please do not stop reading my blog, I have like only 16 followers.

I so wish someone had told me about the following. In the three prego books I read, in addition to my app on my phone, DVD's, classes and daily emails, NO ONE TALKED ABOUT THIS. I like to be prepared. So without further delay, I am going to share the gross side of pregnancy that I have experienced. Yes every womb is different, these are simply my experiences.

1. Bliss: Yes I do feel blissful at times. With as much frequency I also feel like I have multiple personalities. The mood swings have been horrendous. In fact, I choose this as my #1 side effect. It is like a loop of the movie Cybil is running 24/7. The hubs never knows who he will come home to.

2.Bras: It is impossible to find a comfortable over the shoulder boulder holder. I was a D before, I am now an FF. I have spent more on bra's than any other single maternity item. I simply cannot find one that does not oppresses me. I have been fitted twice, and in a maternity store no less. I have taken to wearing tank tops under clothes. It does not give me sufficient support nor hide my date sized nipples, but I am not in complete discomfort. Bring on saggy boobs, at least now they have somewhere to rest, on my belly.

3.Diapers: I will be buying these for myself before the baby. I had read that in the final months sneezing could lead to some spurts. However, since about month 4 I wet myself about once a week, and small amounts all day long. It is just gross.

4.Boobs: Now I know my body would change, but I had no idea that it would be this grotesque and like I am only at 29 weeks, I fear the next 11. The girls are humongous. And not like huge porny sexy tits. We are talking big, floppy, two breakfast sausage looking circles, blue lines like a map of LA freeways, hairy nipples!!!

5.Body Hair: I have a beard. Yes, fear the beard. And not like peach fuzz. We are talking long, black, poke your eye out bristly whiskers. In the last week a mustache has joined the party. I have not decided if tweezing or shaving is better.

6.Your vajajay: You seen those baboons who are in heat at the zoo? Big red things protruding from their crotch's? Yeah that is me. I am straddling a red burrito. That is why I do not want to wear a panty liner to catch the urine, there is no room. If the appearance wasn't lovely enough, the smell. I have been assured that this is normal and despite bathing frequently, a plume of crotch rot all the time. I am sure leaking urine and some nasty goo all the time is creating the bouquet. I change my undies and pants often, in fact several times a day. I carry them around in my purse with a plastic bag for when I am on the go.

7.Sex: Now this is a biggee, so I save it for last. I am going to find that asshole who spread the horseshit that you get hornier during pregnancy and that pregnancy sex is awesome. I am gonna punch that person in the face, several times. My poor hubs was all excited for this. We have been fortunate, this aspect our relationship came very naturally and has always been awesome. NO MORE. The best way I can describe it is this: The hubs must feel like he is pushing around a wheelbarrow full of bricks. From the beginning my libido went to nonexistent. And it's not because I was having a rough first trimester. Quite opposite, I never had morning sickness or most of the other ills. There was just no drive. I of course wanted physical affection, but that burning desire to rip off the Fish's clothes everyday and GET IT ON was gone, baby gone. However, I knew that I could not feed that feeling and got it on anyway. But it felt awful. I have been carrying very low and have constantly felt pressure on my cervix. So imagine this, pressure from one side, a piston battering the other side. No matter the position, tempo, thread count, it just felt uncomfortable. No longer could I spew nasty epithets, porny sounds, or execute yoga moves. Instead I was making sour faces and would squirm. Later as the pregnancy progressed I could no longer move. I was like a turtle stuck upside down flailing. Add in my lovely smells, boobs going everywhere (I considered wearing a sports bra during), spontaneous golden showers, constipation (thanks prenatal vitamins), and flatulence. We have consulted every resource imaginable with little improvement. I refuse to not have good physical relations, so we are keeping at it. I hope for some improvement. In the meantime, I will hunt down that asshole and set him straight. I will also openly share my experience. It needs to be shared. Sex during pregnancy can totally suck.

Years in Review

I know my reverb did this to a large extent but I am inspired by other bloggers, and seriously I need to write down all that has occurred and what is upcoming.

2008
It began quite uneventfully after recovering from a craptastic and hilarious romantic trainwreck. I swore off dating and decided to get in shape. Due to some medical issues I had put on 35 pounds. I worked hard and by June was down 25. With encouragement from a neighbor, (who cornered me in the hallway told me I looked great but my spirit was sour and he thought I needed to get laid), I decided to get off the chastity wagon and be a slut for the summer. Without going into graphic details, I will share a few key words: felon, free scuba, ex sex, finale). Then as I was closing down the shop I met the Fish. What I thought was supposed to be simply a finale fuck turned into true love. Who woulda thunk? A month of love, a last minute trip to Alaska, and my intro to the milworld began. My subaru blew up, I got the stupid Jeep, I had a fantastic holidays with friends, a fun nye, and 2008 was done.

2009
Much of the first few months were spent counting down the days to Fish's R&R. It was amazing and we cemented our commitment to each other. This was no fling, instead the real thing. I worked my butt off, began to see the economy impact my business. We began planning our happily ever after and counting down the days until the deployment ended. Found out we didn't get the duty station we hoped for, regrouped, and marched forward. 9/11/2009-boots on US Soil. Then began a mad dash to the end of the year which included block leave (heaven), engagement, moving half of me across the country, finding our home in Sweatyville, and ringing in the new year on the floor of our new home!

2010
Honestly this year has been so fast and furious I have whiplash. We got married on 1/4/2010 and the next day I flew back to CA. We were both miserable being apart. We began planning our wedding celebration and every few weeks I flew back. On 2/10 my niece was born! I job hunted ferociously to no avail, signed up for unemployment. Overcompensated in EVERY area of my life to assuage my separation anxiety of leaving my life for my new life. I seriously set a few situations on fire, but did some amazing work and had some great times with friends. The wedding celebration in large part thanks for my mother in law it was coming together super well. I had my annual GYN appointment and got a pap smear and a prescription for Ativan, I was pretty stressed out. Finished my school year, got all my crap packed up, said good-bye and boarded a plan on 6/13. Began adjusting and sweating in the South. Rode ATV's and shot hogs. Chopped off 8 inches of my hair due to a Jewfro sitch. On 7/13peed on a stick and we both had heart attacks. Learned about Tricare! Then began quite a fun period of mood swings and wallowing, that pretty much took us through the summer. Tried to be fiscally responsible and sold the Fish's truck, in order to get a checkbook and family friendly car that blew up 6 weeks later. Dealt with that. Began to feel better in the Fall and actively to engage in life. October went back to SF for a wedding and realized I was still me and my beloved friendships were still alive and well. Thanksgiving the in-laws were here and we made our first turkey! (Actually that was our second, paranoid me had made a practice one the week before, along with all the other fixings.) Started getting big!!! Flew home for 12 days, 7 parties, 2 showers later, we came home to ring in the New Year!

2011?
I am sure it will bring us many surprises and much much joy! We do know that we have the following on tap: birth a baby, ETS from Army, move cross country, start school, find and start a new job, find a new home, re-open private practice, become the best parents ever!!!

2012?
Yes I am already thinking about that! I hope for less change, more stability, and perhaps the beginnings of the fishy number 2.

Honestly, how did I get so lucky? I wanna know. How did it all change on a dime? After a decade of trainwrecks: broken hearts, mental instability, finacial harship, career disasters, many a moves, family drama, and serious feelings of failure and impending doom.............I have achieved my dreams. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that G-d's fingerprints are on this turn of events. It has been nothing short of miraculous. I fully expect a unicorn to charge across my path anytime now. What I guess I really want to say is THANKS! Thank you universe for helping me achieve happiness. Thank you for bringing me my beshert (soulmate). Thank you for my beshert's family who is starting to heal the wounds of abuse. Thank you for teaching me to never give up hope, no matter how dark the days. Thank you for showing me love.

California Dreaming

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

We got back to the South on Thursday and within a half a day packed a car and headed to a cabin we rented with a couple of couple friends. These friends were from Fish's previous duty station and it was a blast. Despite being sober and uncomfortably pregnant, I had a great time. I was a bit worried about being a downer, but truly I had nothing to worry about. The consensus was to wear PJ's the entire time and play games. While the men drank, the women were pretty tame. We had a great time and today we will begin unpacking!


However, I vow to do my best not to be pregnant during the holidays again! We have talked about trying again if we feel ready within six months, damn that biological clock. But seriously I feel heartened that my fertility seems pretty good and would like to wait a bit longer. If simply to give myself and us a break, and to enjoy the holidays with some eggnog, sushi, and hotness. I look like a wildebeest. And cankles have joined the party, awesome!

California was really great though. We were freaking busy and in the 12 days had very little downtime. There were 6 big parties, and two of those days were basically travel days. The days that were not party days were filled with errands. I was quite proud of myself for keeping up. As a Jewish girl I have still always loved Christmas. My in-laws do it right, and it was amazing. Having grown up with no extended family members around and a strict custody schedule, holidays were often stressful and small. Quite the opposite is true this year.

At one point I had a total out of the body experience where I was surrounded by family whom I loved, there was no drama, no walking on egg shells, no one denigrating another. Instead it was just pure joy. I truly couldn't believe that only 3 years ago in 2007 I was recovering from a horrendous romantic entanglement, I was stuck with my momster and stepdad (since it was "their" year per the 1986 custody agreement which was still enforced) and wanted to jump off a cliff. (Not really, but it sucked.) These holidays were magical. I thought last year was amazing being engaged and about to marry, but this year was even better. I expect next year will be even better better!