This is such a minor problem but it persists so I blog
about it. We passed our one year mark a week or so ago and I am still homesick
for Northern California. Since August 1st
the temperature has been no less than 90 degrees for no less than 10 days. I am
sick of the heat and the sun down here. Seriously it is sunny ALL THE
TIME. While I definitely got sick of the
fog and cold of San Francisco, I would kill for some meandering fog mixed with
the smell of Eucalyptus from Golden Gate Park.
At my previous place of employment, South San Francisco, it was cold and
foggy and windy all the time. I didn’t even own summer/spring work
clothes. I am still in short sleeves and
open toed shoes, because otherwise I would be DYING of heat. My poor red-headed child has had a hat on for
five months now. SUN SUN GO AWAY!! And
given how the East Coast is facing such weather trauma, this is what I bitch
about?
About a month ago it dawned on me that I had permanently
settled in a suburban desert. I don’t know why it took me so long to get
that. We are about an hour east of
downtown LA, which in Southern California dog miles is very far. We are living
out in inland suburban sprawl. One suburban town after another. Open space
nowhere. We are in a foothill community so at least we have mountains on one
side and I know there is space that is not consumed by strip malls, roads and
homes. But still I feel trapped. However, this is exactly where my little
family needs to be and I would not relocate us anywhere. I just need to get
used to it I guess. I just wanna wear my fucking uggs and a hoodie for fucks
sake.
Also the other thing is the friend thing. I have alluded
to this but in a nutshell I have barely made any friends since I moved here. A
huge part of this is my fault. I didn’t make much of an effort the first six
months as we had no idea if we were staying (thank you circle jerk never ending
job search). But since we settled (thank
you nirvana wonderful job in the exact location we wanted) I have done much
else. I have made one friend. We met in
kiddie music class and she is pretty great. Though never in a million years
would I have thought we would have become friends. I mean she is a size 2 if that, long bleached
blonde hair, fake boobs, wealthy, 10 years younger. But she has a kiddo my
kiddo’s age and works in mental health and she courted me to be friends. And
truly I enjoy our friendship. We get on.
But it is a friendship around our kids.
I have tried to do stuff without our kids and it just doesn’t seem to
stick. My sense is (facebook supports) she has quite the social circle (she
grew up here which everyone seems to have) for adult activities. I fill her
friend with appropriate child slot. But it is something and she is pretty rad.
And honestly that is it. I have been friendly without someone at work, who has
kids, but it seems to be a friendship of convenience more. I have not met anyone that I have a deep
kindred spirit connection with.
I wonder now that I am married with a kid will I ever?
Were those type of friendships only to be formed during my single days? If so
they are all up in Northern California and I miss them. So much. I just wanna
hang out for a few hours. Chat. Laugh. Then go about my busy life. Truthfully I
don’t have much time and energy for more than that. My life is full. I work full time. I have
lots of great family commitments. I have
a busy toddler. Last weekend he split his lip, black eye, and slammed his hand
in a door. I swear this kid is going to be in the ER before 2013. But this lack of true friends is an aching
hole for me. Even in Georgia as a stay
home Army wife I made friends, and one kindred spirit (Hi Jordan!).
I am not sure what to do about it. If there is anything
to do. But between this never ending fucking sun and lonliness, I am homesick.
